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Many people, including those within the church, are wrestling with the fundamental character and nature of God, with questions concerning his goodness and trustworthiness. So how do we who identify ourselves as Christians help others see the hope of the gospel and persevere in hope ourselves in a world where the biblical view of a loving and good God is constantly challenged?

I attempted to suppress my stunned disbelief with a question: “What do you mean?” I listened as a dear Christian friend of more than 25 years shared with me that she was considering moving in a direction that was a reversal of what she had long held true and what the Scriptures clearly proscribe. Over the days that followed I tried to refrain from continually pointing her to numerous Bible passages that would challenge her intentions—after all, she knew them well. Rather, I spoke about God’s compassion in our brokenness and the Holy Spirit’s transformative work in our lives, and encouraged her to talk with a counselor who could help unravel her deep and knotted burden. Sadly, a few months later, she chose to leave her church home and move in the direction she expressed.

“I’m happy,” she told me—and how does one counter that?1

I have had the privilege of working with Ravi Zacharias for over twenty years. If my experience with my friend and the emails and letters we receive are any reflection of the wider evangelical culture, there has been a noticeable shift in the questions raised by those who would identify themselves as Christians. Less than ten years ago, the predominant questions were, if you will, intramural ones: “What is your view of predestination?” “Which version of the Bible is most accurate?” “What is the unpardonable sin?”

More recently, however, many questions resemble ones we usually receive from skeptics or seekers at university engagements: “How can God be morally good if He ordered genocide in the Old Testament?” “Why should I believe in a God who sees my suffering and doesn’t answer my prayer?” As such, I would suggest that many people, including those within the church, are wrestling with the fundamental character and nature of God, with questions concerning his goodness and trustworthiness. 2

Think, for instance, of the confusion generated by Rob Bell’s book Love Wins. Yes, numerous pastors, scholars, and bloggers revealed its flawed exegesis and arguments. Yet the book created profound cognitive dissonance for some readers and accomplished its purpose: to stir an emotional response to a depiction of an angry God and unfair judge.

Even we who may seek to hold fast to what we cognitively affirm—that God is sovereign and good—sometimes struggle to make sense of our emotions when we encounter a difficult passage of Scripture or an experience such as betrayal or loss that challenges our view of an all-loving and powerful God. Indeed, consider bewildered Job under the scourge of suffering, or Joseph or John the Baptist languishing in prison, or faithful but barren Elizabeth and Zechariah, and countless others in the pages of Scripture who strained to discern God’s presence and purpose.

So how do we who identify ourselves as Christians help others see the hope of the gospel and persevere in hope ourselves in a world where the biblical view of a loving and good God is constantly challenged?

A Deeper Question

As we seek to address tough questions, Ravi Zacharias has observed that it is critical to understand there is often a deeper question behind the one being posed. Hence, we must listen carefully to hear and respond to the actual question raised. He recalls how a young couple came to him after a speaking engagement in a church and asked how God could allow suffering and evil. As he began to offer a reply, he noticed that the woman was holding a child with a severe physical deformity. He surmised that the couple’s theological inquiry masked a deeper existential struggle and so he set aside the standard arguments of theodicy to consider the pain and confusion they were experiencing.

This is not to suggest that many people do not wrestle with the philosophical arguments for the problem of evil or God’s existence, but rather, that we need to take time to listen to our questioners so that we might truly hear their concerns. Sometimes, as with my longtime friend, we might even ask, “What do you mean?” In apologetics, this approach uses the law of identity, which involves identifying unspoken assumptions and presuppositions. This law states that everything that exists has a specific nature; for example, “A = A” or “A sheep is a sheep” (and not a cow). Thus, if someone remarks, “Sure, I believe in Jesus,” we rely upon the law of identity when we ask the person to tell us more about who this Jesus is. Is this the Jesus portrayed in the New Testament or The DaVinci Code?

Or, we might follow up by asking the person to tell us what he or she means by “believe.” Does the individual’s understanding of belief amount to reasoned confidence or “blind” faith?3 A common misperception is that science involves facts and evidence, whereas religious belief is based on myth, feelings, or a wish-fulfillment for a benevolent God. And yet, science is unable to answer basic metaphysical questions such as “Why are we here?” or “Why is there something rather than nothing?” And atheism itself can be seen as a wish-fulfillment for no God and no absolute foundation for morality.

In such conversations, we may discover that “belief in Jesus” may be radically different from what the Bible presents. Thus, it is critical to listen carefully to those we seek to engage so that we might hear their underlying questions and unspoken assumptions. The art of listening and responding to questions is a learned craft honed with humility, patience, and careful study. As my colleague Alister McGrath writes, “Apologetics is not a set of techniques for winning people to Christ. It is not a set of argumentative templates designed to win debates. It is a willingness to work with God in helping people discover and turn to his glory.”4

Learning To See

Like those we encounter who struggle with questions, sometimes our own unsettled questions and unexamined assumptions can cloud our hope in God and our confidence in the gospel. When relationships fail, health deteriorates, or vocations are lost, our understanding of God can be tested to the core when we, as philosopher Esther Lightcap Meek suggests, “labor under the misimpression that we see what we see, that seeing is believing, that either I see it or I don’t.”The evidence for God’s existence and Christ’s uniqueness looks quite clear to me in light of the historical Scriptures, the pattern of the universe, and conflicting worldviews. But there are times when I have questioned God’s goodness because I perceived Him to be unresponsive and unmoved by my troubled heart. Studying the Scriptures didn’t lead me to this misperception; rather, my experience of loss did.

And when our view of God is misguided, doubt eclipses hope and we may be tempted to take the seemingly “happy road” rather than trust in his sovereign but unforeseen plan. Yes, God is consistent and faithful to his Word, but He is not predictable. If He were, there would be no place for grace or mercy.6 He sends rain to the just and unjust. He rewards a prostitute’s shrewd deceit with a secure place in the Promised Land, while barring his prophet Moses from it because of a rash act of rage.7

In such places of doubt and discouragement, we need the fellowship of other believers to help us see what we cannot see, to pray when we cannot pray, and to hope when we struggle to hope. As Meek contends,“Sometimes, apart from someone else’s insistence and guidance, we don’t even get it right about the thoughts in our own head. We need to be taught how to see.”8

I ran a trail half-marathon recently. I have competed at this distance and longer on roads but never on the trail, so the first couple of miles I was careful to note every root and rock as I tried to run fast. By the third mile, I felt at ease dodging obstacles and began to settle into a competitive pace. I turned a corner and descended a hill with a massive rock just below its crest, and Wham! Suddenly, I was sailing headlong and my splayed body hit the ground. I had seen the rock but somehow its presence didn’t prompt me to alter my stride. With ten miles left to the finish, my throbbing, bloody knee suddenly sharpened my focus for the rest of the race.

The evidence for God’s existence and Christ’s uniqueness looks quite clear to me in light of the historical Scriptures, the pattern of the universe, and conflicting worldviews. But there are times when I have questioned God’s goodness because I perceived Him to be unresponsive and unmoved by my troubled heart. Studying the Scriptures didn’t lead me to this misperception; rather, my experience of loss did.

Like listening, seeing is a learned craft. For example, experienced trail runners can fly down a hill with seeming ease, nimbly dodging small and large obstacles on their path. Their bodies have a heightened sense of proprioception (literally, “one’s own perception”), which is the ability to orient to an environment with limited visual clues. “The special balance that is so key to trail running is … proprioception,” writes elite endurance runner Adam Chase. “Proprioception comes through muscle, joint, tendon, and inner ear sensory nerve terminals that respond to and adjust posture and positioning through stimuli originating from within the body. When trail runners complain that they are bad at running down rocky or otherwise sketchy descents, it is usually a testament to the fact that they need to work on their proprioceptive abilities.”9 Trail running is an art that requires keen awareness and practice.

The prophet Daniel and the apostle Paul overcame obstacles in their pagan, foreign environments by a resolute focus on a sovereign God who alone “changes times and seasons” and “reveals deep and hidden things” (Daniel 2:21-22). Both were given the gift of vision, but they were “taught how to see” through persistent prayer, a community of friends, and a humble understanding that all wisdom and ability come from God. “I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened,” wrote Paul, “in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe” (Ephesians 1:18-19a).

A Gift to All

This hope to which God has called us is a “living hope” (1 Peter 1:3). Like any living substance, hope must be nurtured and exercised for it to grow. Isaiah tells us that “those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:31). Hope can expand even as we endure trials, for “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

Like the fine art of listening and seeing, I am discovering that persevering in hope is a learned craft. This is not to suggest it is something we must earn. No, hope is a gift to all who call upon God. Yet just as an Olympic sprinter gifted with speed must sharpen her skills consistently to succeed, so our hope matures when we “run in the path of [God’s] commands” and “feed on his faithfulness.”10 “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (Romans 15:4).

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis observes that we must be taught both to recognize and to exercise hope:

Hope is one of the Theological virtues. This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do. It does not mean that we are to leave the present world as it is. If you read history you will find that the Christians who did most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. The Apostles themselves, who set on foot the conversion of the Roman Empire, the great men who built up the Middle Ages, the English Evangelicals who abolished the Slave Trade, all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth “thrown in”: aim at earth and you will get neither. It seems a strange rule, but something like it can be seen at work in other matters. Health is a great blessing, but the moment you make health one of your main, direct objects you start becoming a crank and imagining there is something wrong with you. You are only likely to get health provided you want other things more—food, games, work, fun, open air. In the same way, we shall never save civilization as long as civilization is our main object. We must learn to want something else even more.

Most of us find it very difficult to want “Heaven” at all—except in so far as “Heaven” means meeting again our friends who have died. One reason for this difficulty is that we have not been trained: our whole education tends to fix our minds on this world. Another reason is that when the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognize it. Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.11

Ultimately, hope grows as we sit before the mirror of God’s Word, for it is the one true and trustworthy reflection of who God is and who we are becoming. Here we are exhorted and comforted, chastened and encouraged by the One who loves us and can speak into our lives like no other. Here we can bring our longings, fears, and questions before his throne of grace and let the light of Jesus’s presence shine into every dark and confusing place in our lives, “for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”12 This is the hope of the gospel. And God promises that all “who hope in him will not be disappointed” (Isaiah 49:23).

Hope is a gift to all who call upon God. Yet just as an Olympic sprinter gifted with speed must sharpen her skills consistently to succeed, so our hope matures when we “run in the path of God’s commands” and “feed on his faithfulness.” “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (Romans 15:4).

____________________

A shorter version of this article was composed for Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary’s Contact Magazine.

Danielle DuRant is director of research and writing at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, GA.

1 This question is intended merely to be rhetorical. There are several approaches one might use as a follow-up depending on the person’s struggle and faith commitment.

2 In his conversations with Christians wrestling with doubt, philosophy professor Gary Habermas has observed a similar trend. See his chapter “Evil, the Resurrection and the Example of Jesus” in God and Evil: The Case for God in a World Filled with Pain, eds. Chad V. Meister, Norman Geisler, and James K. Dew (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2013), 163-174.

For a fuller discussion of reasonable belief and so-called blind faith, see chapters 3 and 4 of Alex McLellan’s A Jigsaw Guide to Making Sense of the World (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2012).

Alister E. McGrath, Mere Apologetics: How To Help Seekers and Skeptics Find Faith (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 2012), 41.

5 Esther Lightcap Meek, Longing To Know: The Philosophy of Knowledge for Ordinary People (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2003), 99.

6 I am indebted to Roslyn Harden Scott, Ph.D., for this insight.

Of course, a close reading of Joshua 2 and Numbers 20 reveals that Rahab’s act of deception (risking her life to harbor the spies) was precipitated by her faith in the God of the Israelites, whereas Moses’s display of anger grew out of his lack of trust in God. Hebrews 11:31 commends Rahab for her faith and James 2:25, for her works (faith in action).

8 Meek, 99, emphasis added.

9 Adam Chase, “On the Trail …Core Strength” (November 1, 2003), accessed on February 19, 2013 at http://www.runnersworld.com/trail-running-training/trail-core-strength.

10 See Psalm 119:32 and 37:3 (NASB).

11 C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: Macmillan Publishing Co., 1960), 118-119, emphasis added.

12 1 John 3:20.

 

A Learned Craft | RZIM.

I love asking advice.  Sometimes great, encouraging and lifegiving… other times, harsh, painful and ends in soul searching.  Check out these gold nuggets in an article for FastCo by Grace Nasri, good stuff:

8 SUCCESSFUL ENTREPRENEURS GIVE THEIR YOUNGER SELVES LESSONS THEY WISH THEY’D KNOWN THEN

 

EXECS AND INVESTORS FROM PANDORA, IDEO, ANDREESSEN HOROWITZ, SOUNDCLOUD, AND KLEINER PERKINS, AMONG OTHER MASTERS OF DISRUPTION, SHARE THE WISDOM THEY’VE GATHERED ON THE WAY TO THE TOP.

Looking at the success trajectories of today’s disruptors–from Pandora cofounder Tim Westergren to Wikipedia’s Jimmy Wales–it’s easy to think that they had everything figured out from a young age. But many of today’s success stories learned lessons later in life that they wished they had known as they were beginning their careers. The eight investors and entrepreneurs below share the advice they wish they had gotten in their early twenties.

Tim Westergren: Avoid the risk of not trying and the regret of wishing you had.
Tim Westergren, the founder and Chief Strategy Officer at Pandora, said if he could offer his younger self one piece of advice, it would be to realize from an early age that it’s far more haunting to live with the regret of having not followed your instincts–even when those instincts required a diversion from the beaten path–than to have followed your gut and failed. Luckily for Westergren, he was one of the few who did follow his passions and that pursuit led him to found a company with a market cap of $2.5 billion.

“Be sure to ‘notice’ ideas when you have them. Stop. Take the time to consider them seriously. And if your gut tells you they’re compelling, be fearless in their pursuit,” Westergren said. “For most people, the idea of chasing a personal passion or being entrepreneurial is simply something they don’t think of themselves doing. We’re so programmed to walk well-trodden paths. But, we live life only once. So, rather than avoiding the risk of trying, avoid the risk of not trying. Nothing is more haunting than thinking, ‘I wish I had…’.”

Jimmy Wales: Spend wisely early in life so you can achieve the financial independence to follow your dreams.
Jimmy Wales, the founder of Wikipedia–which according to its own Wikipedia page is a collaboratively edited online encyclopedia–said the advice he would share with the younger generation is to be strategic and thoughtful with expenses at an early age so that you can afford to pursue your passions.

“I think one of the things that most 21-year-old people should do is to recognize now that you can make life choices which control your expenses, and that controlling your expenses is one of the most crucial steps toward the kind of financial independence that you need in order to follow your dreams in the future. Whether it is a change of job, or an entrepreneurial dream, the less you NEED to spend each month, the easier it is to follow those dreams. There are several rules of thumb that can help with this, but one of my favorites is to never go into debt to finance any kind of luxurious consumption. Only go into debt if necessary for some kind of investment, like student loans, for example.”

Bill Ready: Surround yourself with great people and be fearless in pursuit of game-changing ideas.
Bill Ready, the CEO of Braintree–the mobile payments platform for online and mobile commerce that counts companies like Uber, Airbnb, and Fab as clients–shared two key pieces of advice that he wish he had known when he was younger.

“There are two main things I wish I had known when I was 21,” Ready said. “Back in the late 1990s when I was a 19-year-old engineer at Netzee–much like other bright, young, ‘hot-shot’ engineers today–I had this sense that I knew everything, and I didn’t realize the importance of really listening to those who were more experienced. What I have realized since then, is that one of the most important things you can do is to surround yourself with great people, and to listen to them. The second piece of advice I would give is to be fearless. Don’t be afraid to pursue revolutionary ideas, and don’t hold back simply because you’re going up against seemingly unconquerable competitors in your market space. At Braintree, many of our competitors are huge, established companies in the market with market caps in the billions–but we’re not afraid of going after them.”

Alexander Ljung: Realize the power of simplicity.
Alexander Ljung, the cofounder and CEO of SoundCloud–the popular audio platform that has raised more than $63 million in venture funding, according to CrunchBase–shared the importance of learning the power of simplicity in today’s complex world.

“In recent years, T.S. Eliot’s reported quote–‘If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter’–has stuck with me when making numerous decisions specifically around leadership, design, and product. The advice I would offer my 21-year-old self is to remember that it takes more mental (and sometimes physical) bandwidth to create something simple or communicate something complicated in basic terms, but ultimately, that’s a lot nicer for the user experience,” Ljung said. “It’s not about building every feature or understanding everything the first time around. It’s about creating the best, tailored experience for your community and company. I’d remind myself of the importance to leverage design as a decisive advantage and to not be afraid to challenge people to break down their knowledge into easily digestible, clearer statements.”

Philippe Courtot: Focus on what makes you truly happy.
Philippe Courtot, the CEO and Chairman of Qualys–the enterprise cloud security firm that went public last year–emphasized the importance of doing what makes you happy; pursuing what actually makes you happy ensures that you’ll put the needed energy, time, and resources behind your work.

“If I had one piece of advice to give my younger self it would be to stop doing what makes you unhappy and focus on what makes you truly happy,” Courtot shared. “This philosophy, strongly advocated by the Dalai Lama, seems simplistic but its power lies in the fact that it forces you to reflect on what is really important to you and not be distracted by what other people think. If I could give myself one more advice it would be to not be afraid of trying. This builds on the first piece of advice, as we can only learn what makes us happy or unhappy through our own experiences.”

Bing Gordon: Work as hard as you can, and then work harder.
Bing Gordon, a General Partner at Kleiner Perkins Caufield Byers–who counts Twitter, Spotify, and Path in his portfolio of investments–was frank in his advice. Ultimately, hard work is what is going to make you successful. That, and the added benefit of having an influential mentor to help guide you on the path to success, is the combination that will get you to where you want to go.


“I’ve always regretted that I didn’t start working in business until I was 28 years old,” Gordon shared. “After decades of hiring college grads, I’ve learned that the people who get the most opportunities also start fast. They overachieve from the very beginning. They ask the best questions and always seem to have good ideas. As one Hollywood producer once said, ‘Work as hard as you can and then work harder.’ But the number one piece of advice I would share is to recruit a mentor. Find someone you admire who is at least one generation older, and has no direct authority over you. Lack of context and perspective can cost you months and years–with a bad career choice, an unwise relocation, short-term negotiating posture, and, generally speaking, sophomoric thinking. Jeff Brenzel, Dean of Admissions at Yale, has the best advice on how to recruit a mentor: ‘All professors desire acolytes; so carry their favorite book of theirs under your arm, and go introduce yourself with a question about their book.’”

Paul Bennett: Take the time to listen.
Paul Bennett, the Chief Creative Officer at IDEO–the highly creative global design consultancy that has done work for clients from Samsung to GE–said the one piece of advice he wished he had known in his early twenties, was to focus on listening rather than rushing to come up with a quick, yet uninformed, response.

“Listen more,” Bennett advised. “For most of my twenties I assumed that the world was more interested in me than I was in it, so I spent most of my time talking, usually in a quite uninformed way, about whatever I thought, rushing to be clever, thinking about what I was going to say to someone rather than listening to what they were saying to me. Slowing oneself down, engaging rather than endlessly debating and really taking the time to hear and learn is the greatest luxury of becoming older.”

Scott Weiss: Surround yourself with leaders in your field.
Scott Weiss, a Partner at Andreessen Horowitz–who counts Platfora, Quirky, and Skout in his portfolio–emphasized the importance of learning in the workplace, and pointed out that smaller companies are great places to learn and grow.

 


“Whatever vocation you decide on, track down the best people in the world at doing it and surround yourself with them. Aim high and be ridiculously persistent. Your happiness is at the intersection of your passions and learning from great people. Working at a big company sucks–avoid it. Smaller companies are 10 times better for learning. Be generous with your time and money–it has an amazingly fast payback. Be in the moment with everyone you love–and this frequently means tuning out work completely. And drive slow in parking lots.”

Grace Nasri received her MA in international relations from New York University. After graduating, she moved to Washington, D.C., where she worked as an assistant editor at an international Iranian newspaper and later moved back to NYC, where she worked as the managing editor of FindTheBest.com. Grace currently lives in San Francisco, where she works as a Senior Associate at the Bateman Group, is a member of Women 2.0, freelance writes for Digital Trends and contributes to Fast Company.

8 Successful Entrepreneurs Give Their Younger Selves Lessons They Wish Theyd Known Then | Fast Company | Business + Innovation.

Check out this article on how people read Job Ads.  Definitely something to consider when structuring content on your website.  Great article by Lauren Weber in the WSJ: 

 

We spend most of our waking hours at work, so when it comes time to find a new job, you’d think we would take our time, carefully reviewing job descriptions and thoughtfully weighing whether a position might be a good fit.

But it turns out we’re not as methodical as we’d like to think.

A survey released Thursday by job-search firm TheLadders found that 44% of job-seekers claim they spend one to five minutes reading job descriptions before deciding whether to pursue them or not. Another 19% said they invest up to 10 minutes reading a posting on the first pass.

Yet when those same job-seekers were tracked using technology that records where and for how long their eyes landed on a page, it turned out they spent an average of 49.7 seconds before dismissing a position as a poor fit, and 76.7 seconds with job ads that appeared to match their interests and skills.

The eye-tracking study, conducted by researchers at TheLadders, found that job-seekers look first at the job title, then company information, and then at the details, such as salary and recruiter information.

The company asked 15 job-seekers to read five job descriptions, and tracked each subject’s pupils as they moved across the page. (A second group of 15 participants read a different set of job descriptions that had been formatted using the firm’s competitive-analysis product. The results contained in this blog post are based on the participants who read the traditionally-formatted job ads.)

Even when subjects determined that an opening was appropriate for them, reviewing the actual requirements for the job appeared to be a low priority—results showed they spent only 14.6 seconds, on average, in that section. Applicants spent the most time reading the job description (25.9 seconds) and the company description (23 seconds). In addition, participants’ eyes tended to skim the job description rather than read it closely, and often skipped the bottom section of the description entirely.

While candidates likely ponder the qualifications required for a position more closely after they decide for certain to apply for a given position, the speed and sloppiness with which potential candidates read job ads helps explain an endless frustration of recruiters: receiving dozens, if not hundreds, of resumes from unqualified candidates, said Selena Hadzibabic, director of product and user experience at TheLadders.

Rather than chide job-seekers for their inattention, recruiters and managers should recognize that they shoulder some of the blame, she adds. Employers “write job descriptions in ways that aren’t very easy to scan or understand. So the job-seekers get lost in run-on paragraphs” and big blocks of text, said Hadzibabic.

Job titles, the first thing potential applicants look at, are also sometimes written to confuse rather than clarify. Tech startups may think it’s cool to call their software team “ninjas,” but they shouldn’t use that term in the job title.

“If you’re looking to hire a Java developer, that’s what the job title should be even though they’re going to join your team of ninjas,” she said.

Finally, she said, open the black box of the salary field. Most job descriptions fail to include any information about compensation, since employers fear that transparency on the topic may constrain their bargaining power. If that information is missing, says Hadzibabic, potential hires “move on and you’ve lost their attention.” Even a broad range is useful for engaging potential candidates, and can help weed out those who don’t measure up.

How We Really Read Job Ads – At Work – WSJ.

Check out this sweet blog from @wisebread about kickstarting frugality.  Tomorrow always seems like a good time to save a few bucks.  Here are a few ways to start today, article follows:

One great thing about being frugal is that once you start doing it, it kind of snowballs.

I’ve been frugal my whole life, partly because I believe that saving money is just as good as making it, and I don’t like overpaying for something. But what really kick-started my frugal lifestyle was being laid off in 2008 from the newspaper industry. Without a fulltime job, I no longer had benefits and the same income I had before, so some frugality was called for. (See also: New Year, New Spending Habits)

Here are 16 tips I’ve learned, either on my own or by talking to people cited below, to kick-start frugality, and make it an everyday part of life. Some are small tips to save a few dollars a week, and a few are big that can add up to hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars, so be sure to start with the easy ones before jumping to the big ones.

1. Start Saving With Direct Deposit

Whether it’s a payroll savings plan to save for retirement or simply moving $100 each month from a checking account to a savings account, putting money aside before you get a chance to notice it and spend it is a great first step to being frugal.

2. Track Spending for a Week

Keep track of every penny you spend for a week, and you’ll likely see a pattern. Fidelity Investments, of which I’m a customer, has a barrelful of tips for saving money, and it recommends keeping track of every dollar. It has a graphic that shows how far saving a dollar for retirement can go at different ages. Obviously, the younger you start saving, the more money you’ll have as it compounds. By tracking spending for a week — either by the dollar or penny — you’ll see your weak spots (too many trips to the vending machine at work or coffee house) and can adjust and have the extra money automatically transferred to a savings account.

3. Skip Treats and Luxuries for a Week

Stop buying anything you eat, drink or smoke that would be considered an “extra,” and instead drink boring water or make it yourself or bring something cheaper with you. Bring an orange instead of buying chips at the vending machine.

Financial counselor and editor Adrianna Domingos-Lupher told me that she broke a coffee house addiction two years ago by investing in an espresso maker and having lattes at home. Her family has cut their coffee house expenses by nearly 75%, dropping from $30 a week on coffee to less than $10 now. “Granted the learning curve to froth the milk and find the right grind of coffee was a challenge, but I’m glad to report that I visit a certain celestial coffee house a lot less than I used to,” she says. “It’s more of a treat on weekends than an everyday affair.”

4. Spend Only Cash

Try this for a week — it’s not as easy as it sounds. Like tracking your spending online, using only cash will show you where your money goes and will limit what you buy.

Author Alan Corey says he started being frugal by simply going to the ATM once a week for $100. Everything he bought had to be in cash. “It kept me on a budget without having to save receipts or planning too much ahead,” Corey says. “All I had to do was look in my wallet to see what I could spend, and then determine if I could get by on until my next ATM outing.” He later lowered it to $80 a week after $100 was working well, allowing him to save more money.

5. Don’t Buy Anything

This is a much more drastic step than what Corey does, and it probably shouldn’t be your first step to starting a frugal lifestyle. But if you want to make the big jump in the frugal pond, this will do it. The “no spend challenge,” as many bloggers have written about, starts with cutting all unnecessary spending cold turkey. Only spend money on the basics, such as rent or mortgage, utilities, and basic groceries. If anything will lead to a frugal snowball effect, this will.

Jen Smialek, a personal finance blogger in Boston, says a month-long no-spending vow helped her save $600 one month. Smialek says she only spent money on rent, utilities, and basic groceries, and that the habit has helped her stop unnecessary spending for the past four years.

6. Don’t Shop at the Grocery Store

I can do this for a week, no problem. In fact, my refrigerator is now almost empty and a trip to the grocery store is imminent. With a well-stocked pantry, visits to the farmer’s market, and buying $25 worth of groceries from an online organic grocer, Michelle Jackson, a personal finance blogger, says she went seven weeks without having to go to a grocery store. Jackson says her grocery bill dropped from about $75 per visit (two to three times a week) to $275 for the entire seven weeks.

7. Don’t Eat Out

For 30 days in 2006, blogger Carrie Rocha and her husband did a no eating out challenge. It included no stops at the coffee shop, no soda at a gas station, no rotisserie chicken from the grocery store, no concessions at a ballpark, and never a meal in a restaurant. They were successful that month and saved hundreds of dollars, but the real benefit was realizing their lack of self-control. Before, they took joy in a midday treat, and learned that because they couldn’t afford to indulge, they had to find healthier ways to get through the temptations. They bought healthier on-the-go snacks and have saved thousands of dollars in the seven years they’ve been living within their means.

8. No Big Group Meals Out

If eating out once a week with your spouse is too difficult to cut from your lifestyle, try to at least cut out group meals with friends and co-workers.

Mitchell Fox, co-founder of a tax monitoring website, says the best the best thing his wife and he did to start saving money was to skip on big group dinners in San Francisco, which is an expensive city at any income. The dinner bill always seemed to come out to at least $50 per person, sometimes much more with drinks added to the bill. “What we have started to do instead is suggest house parties — either inviting people to our place or suggesting they host — or meeting up for happy hour drinks instead of dinner,” Fox says. They used to eat out at least once a week with friends, but this step has cut their monthly spending by at least $500, he says.

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9. Get Your Teenager to Wait a Year Before Driving

This kick-start method can help teach you and your teen how to save money through delayed gratification, although convincing a teen of this may be difficult. If you can get around the hassle of driving your teen around for another year when they turn 17, you (and the teenager) will save money by not buying a car or paying for maintenance or extra gas. You also won’t have to pay the 20% to 80% surcharge from some insurers for teenage drivers, according to AutoInsuranceCenter.com.

10. Pay Yourself to Meet Your Goals

Putting a few dollars in an envelope or some spare change in a jar whenever you meet a frugal goal is a way to reward yourself for being frugal. Lisa Boesen was successful in her “Lenten Challenge” to use up everything in her pantry and freezer during Lent, so she put $5 in a jar every time she and her husband followed their frugal guidelines. They ended with $100 in the jar last year, Boesen says, and are continuing to add to their own tip jar whenever they meet a frugal goal they’ve set.

11. Don’t Buy a Book for a Month

I’ve done this for a few years (except on trips) when I realized I was spending about $50 a month on new books for my Kindle. I sometimes buy used books and save 50%, but I mostly go to the library and check them out for free. Getting new releases can be tough, although I’ve found that if I get on the waiting list early enough, the book is available within a month or so. You can also save money on DVDs, music, and other media at libraries. Getting a library card is too easy, so there’s no excuse to try it for a month or so.

12. Cut Back on Haircuts

After spending $200 a month for 25 years so she could have her hair straightened, life style strategist Melisa Alaba eliminated that expense by chopping her relaxed hair and wearing her hair in its natural style. She puts the savings in an education fund for her daughters, and since starting this three years ago, she has learned to do her own hair, and as she puts it, has learned to “embrace my natural beauty.”

13. Walk, Bike, or Ride to Work

Moving close to work so you can walk is a big step, but worth thinking about the next time you change jobs. I’ve made it a life-long habit to live near where I work, and have always lived within a few miles of my job. While I’ve often needed a car at work, I’ve been able to walk and bike to work, and live in an area where I can walk to stores for quick errands. I’ve saved on auto insurance by driving fewer miles, which has also cut maintenance and gas expenses.

14. Get Rid of Your Car

Obviously, this is a big step. I’ve always wanted to try this, but haven’t because I think it would be difficult without having the public transportation of a big city. Comedian Jim Dailakis of New York has, taking public transportation whenever he can or renting cars. Dailakis accumulates points as a gold member with Hertz, allowing him to sometimes rent a car for free.

15. Dump Cable TV for a Month

As I’ve written before, this step has much more than financial benefits. The biggest has been not wasting time watching TV. I read more, have more free time, and watch programs that I really want to watch. After the initial equipment costs to make the switch away from cable TV and buying monthly services such as Netflix and Hulu, we’ve saved at least $30 a month.

16. Live in a Tent

This is the biggest, most life-changing way to kick-start frugality, and you might want to make this the last frugal choice you make. But if you’re really committed, as Richard and Laura Pawlowski were, then this could be the first kick-start to a life of frugality.

The Pawlowskis are in their 70s and wrote about living in a tent for two years after being pushed from their home of 35 years. They traveled to more than 50 campgrounds in 10 states, saved money, and rebalanced their debt. They no longer paid $1,200 in monthly rent, using some of the money for gas and food.

It’s a heck of a kick-start to frugality and makes skipping a daily latte look simple.

How did you kick-start your frugal habits?

16 Ways to Kick-Start Frugality | Wise Bread.

“We first make our habits, then our habits make us.” -Poet John Dryden

I heard a story about a man named Eugene Pauly – E.P. Because of permanent brain damage, E.P. has no short-term memory. He doesn’t know where his own kitchen is. When you ask him, he just shrugs. But twenty minutes later, he gets off the couch and gets a drink from the refrigerator. He can’t explain it. E.P. takes a daily walk around the neighborhood – and when asked which house is his, he doesn’t know. However, when he gets to his driveway, he always finds the right house and goes inside.

Why?

According to research from Duke University, more than 40% of our actions are unconscious habits. (The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg) E.P. finds his house because there are pathways in our brain telling us what to do, based on engrained routine. We all have these routines. Habits. Things we just do – without thinking about it:

The first thing we do when we wake.
What we eat for lunch.
How we dress.
Exercise.
Relate.
Pray.

*Photo by Łukasz Hejnak, Creative Commons
Habits drive a ton of my decisions. It’s normal for me to slip into the routine. Wake up. Grab coffee. Run out the door. Work. Get home. Play with my girls. Kiss my wife. Go to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. It’s easy for me to go through life without thoughtful intention.

We’re still in the wee-early morning hours of 2013. It’s an opportunity for reflection. For change. As I think of the past year and look to the next, I wonder:

“Who am I becoming? What needs to change?”

But when I see everything I want to change – I’m overwhelmed. I set too many goals – run in ten directions at once, and change nothing. For the past ten years, my New Years Resolutions have looked something like this:

1. Make a totally AWESOME plan.
2. Be awesome for two days.
3. Stop being awesome.
4. Get depressed.
5. Eat Ben and Jerry’s.

If my original resolution was eat to more Ben and Jerry’s, I would be #epicwinning.

For some reason, I believe when the big glass ball falls in Manhattan – everything will change. This is the myth. But the good news is this:

I don’t have to change all of my habits at once.

According to Duhigg, research shows we all have few trigger habits, keystone habits. Singular habits – when we do them, transform other areas of our lives. Keystone habits set off a chain of internal events, giving us willpower and momentum to do other things. Over time, these keystone habits form other habits, and we become completely different people. These habits can be positive or negative, like the Road-Side Ditch Guy.

Craig Groeschel’s keystone habit is flossing.
A friend of mine makes his bed every morning.
My keystone habit is waking up early at a set time.

When I wake up early at a set time, I have more willpower to workout, write, eat well. For some reason, the small decision makes me feel like I’m gaining ground. At the risk of sounding like Dr. Leo Marvin, the small decision is a baby step, but it’s a step. It creates movement. Velocity. We can’t magically order ourselves to change. But if we find our keystone habit – we can find momentum, setting off a slow avalanche of change.

One small win makes a huge difference. The one win also feels more attainable, setting out to do one thing. One small thing. It doesn’t feel anymore like I’m looking up at the Kilimanjaro. I’m just putting on the shoes.

For 2013, I don’t have a huge plan. I’d like to be more spiritually consistent, do a triathlon, write a book, track Kodiak bears, get my black belt and be a better friend. And I do plan to map it out on MySubplot. But my road to these things starts with one keystone win. So I bought a new alarm clock.

Cheers!

This is a post by John Sowers, one of the Storyline Contributors. Learn more about John’s story by visiting his website or by following along on Twitter (@johnsowers).

The Share Economy, Forbes estimates it to be a $3.5B market this year.  I was struck on my visit to SXSW, by the number of sharing apps that seem to be roaring. There seem to be some underlying principles that we all understand, but we have trouble getting to ourselves.

In the new “share economy”
- we all want less
- we want to use nice
- we don’t mind sharing
- we expect others to respect our belongings

Lyft and Sidecar, are sharing rides.
California doesn’t know how to deal with this hybrid ride-sharing concept, so they throw down a cease and desist, or C&D.   One session I sat in with @sidecarATX, Nick Allen, we got to hear about how they were just building a new economic strain of ride-sharing and how an entrepreneur just has to go at it and do what’s right for the consumer.   I loved his fire and think the share economy is here to stay.  Here are my notes from that session, Damn the Man #sxsw.

Airbnb And The Unstoppable Rise Of The Share Economy

Share Economy and the Rise of Airbnb

AirBNB, the Y Combinator company which allows people to rent their homes, is making waves.   When I was first looking for a place to stay in ATX, I was told to checkout this site.  I did, but couldn’t find a deal at the last minute.  I later learned some friends who live in Austin, made $8k for renting out their home for the week of SXSW.  What a genius concept!   This Forbes article, says that Airbnb had a $56 Million Impact on SF alone!

“Given the economic impact shown in the study, traditional methods of measuring the economy are insufficient.” Forbes

Another article on Airbnb and The Unstoppable Rise of the Share Economy here on Forbes.

This share economy might blow up a few models on its way up.  I’m interested to see.  I’ve heard of applications for tasks, rides, drills, bikes.   The other application I haven’t heard is a boat.  I’d prefer not to own a boat.  But I would like to use one in the summer.  I wouldn’t mind sharing with you if you paid .25 on it, and I’d let you use it one weekend a month.

Any other, better, applications you can see for the “share economy?”

 

By  on March 8, 2013

pixar-animation-studios

Former Pixar storyboard artist Emma Coats tweeted a number of valuable storytelling rules during her time at the animation studio.

  1. You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.
  2. You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be very different.
  3. Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about til you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.
  4. Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.
  5. Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.
  6. What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?
  7. Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard, get yours working up front.
  8. Finish your story, let go even if it’s not perfect. In an ideal world you have both, but move on. Do better next time.
  9. When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.
  10. Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.
  11. Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.
  12. Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.
  13. Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.
  14. Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.
  15. If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.
  16. What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.
  17. No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on – it’ll come back around to be useful later.
  18. You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.
  19. Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.
  20. Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie you dislike. How d’you rearrange them into what you DO like?
  21. You gotta identify with your situation/characters, can’t just write ‘cool’. What would make YOU act that way?
  22. What’s the essence of your story? Most economical telling of it? If you know that, you can build out from there.

image Pixar via New York Film Academy

via The Pixar TouchAerogramme Writers’ StudioReddit

22 Rules of Storytelling by a Pixar Storyboard Artist.

Carla Madrigal knew nobody in Seattle when she moved there last year after 38 years in San Francisco. She wanted to make new friends. “It was pretty devastating to be so anonymous,” the 68-year-old artist says.

Dave Klug

The Start of a Beautiful Friendship: The early stages of a relationship are the time to take advantage of a technique used in research to establish closeness between strangers. The key is gradual self-disclosure.

To meet people, Ms. Madrigal made herself get out of the house every day. She joined a gym and a community garden, took yoga classes and visited a teahouse. And although she considers herself a shy person, she struck up conversations on the bus and at the grocery.

But she still had trouble making lasting relationships. Many people were nice, but she had nothing in common with them. Others resisted getting close.

Then two months ago, Ms. Madrigal was in a store when a woman complimented her hair. They began to chat and discovered that they both liked to work with textiles and to write. After a few minutes, Ms. Madrigal took a risk: “Would you like to come over to my house for coffee … now?” she asked.

The woman accepted her invite—and the two are now close pals.

“I thought all friendships had to be ‘slow cooking,’ taking years of experiencing life together,” Ms. Madrigal says. “This experience was a marvelous revelation.”

Is it possible to forge an intimate friendship quickly?

Research psychologists say yes. To study friendship in the lab, many use a protocol called “Fast Friends,” which helps strangers establish “interpersonal closeness” in 45 minutes. The key? Both subjects need to gradually disclose personal information.

Here’s how it works: Researchers give people working in pairs three sets of 12 questions written on index cards. The questions must be answered in order, with partners taking turns answering each question.

Questions in the first set are only slightly personal (“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” “When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”). In the second set, they are a little more personal (“What is your most terrible memory?” “Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”). The last set is personal (“When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?” “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing?”). Each set of questions also includes a relationship-building exercise (“Tell your partner what you like about them”).

The point is to build connection gradually, even if it’s happening in a 45-minute window.

“You want to be slow and reciprocal,” says Arthur Aron, professor of psychology at Stony Brook University, in New York, who developed the protocol. “If you disclose too much too fast, you put someone off.”

Not sure how to find the sweet spot between disclosing too little and disclosing too much? Remember how badly you wanted to get off the plane the last time someone in the next seat downloaded way too much information.

Oversharing is often seen as one-sided, overwhelming and socially inappropriate, Dr. Aron says. How can you tell if you are doing it? The other person may seem tense, fidgety or at a loss for words.

The Fast Friends technique can be used to improve business connections, relationships between neighbors and romantic bonds, Dr. Aron says.

Researchers have used it when studying how to create closeness between individuals of different ethnic backgrounds and between groups that often distrust each other (for example, police officers and residents of low-income neighborhoods).

I’ve made great friends quickly while condo hunting, waiting in line to vote and interviewing people for this column. Of course, not every effort has been a success. There’s a special spark or chemistry that has to be there. When I meet someone I think I might like to know better, my secret is to share something about myself that is both personal and maybe a little embarrassing or self-deprecating (I often tell people that I am divorced.) That tends to spark their curiosity and open them up.

I made one of the best friendships of my life over just one lunch. I was stressed and confused about an encounter I’d had the night before with a man I’d just met but really liked. My lunch companion was a social psychologist, luckily for me, whose research I thought I might want to write about. Before we’d even ordered, I asked him if I could get his opinion on something personal, but told him I would only feel comfortable sharing if he would then tell me something about himself. That lunch became the beginning of many hours of mutual support and laughter.

“The only way to establish intimacy is to be willing to open up about yourself,” says David Bakke, 46, an editor at a personal-finance website. “Once both parties see an initial connection, it’s quite easy to open up about more intimate details.” One of Mr. Bakke’s closest friends, he says, is a former co-worker, a man almost 15 years his junior who became a friend within a matter of days. Although some of his colleagues teased him about the age difference, Mr. Bakke says, he values the friendship because the two can talk about both work and personal issues.

When Ms. Madrigal’s new friend, Susan Hanover, 61, came to her house on the day they met, they talked about art and their creative projects. “The more she talked about herself, the more I realized she is like me,” Ms. Madrigal says.

Before long, Ms. Hanover hinted about a sad time in her own life. Then Ms. Madrigal shared a story she doesn’t often tell, about the end of her first marriage and how she had to rebuild her life afterward. The sharing, Ms. Madrigal says, was “careful … a conscious kind of building thing.”

Ms. Hanover calls her friendship with Ms. Madrigal “an unexpected gift. The sharing and spontaneity is mutually beneficial,” she says.

It has been exciting, Ms. Madrigal says, to discover she could make a deep friendship so quickly. “I learned that life can be shared in the moment and be just as alive as if it had been experienced together,” she says.

Getting to Know You

Relationship researchers use these questions as part of the ‘fast friends’ protocol, which helps establish a feeling of closeness between strangers in about 45 minutes. While it might be awkward to start a dinner-party conversation with a question like these, they illustrate how two individuals mutually revealing information a little at a time can build a friendship

• Would you like to be famous? In what way?

• Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

• When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

• Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

• If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

• If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Source: Arthur Aron, Stony Brook University

—Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at Bonds@wsj.com and follow her column atwww.Facebook.com/EBernsteinWSJ.

A version of this article appeared February 19, 2013, on page D1 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: To Charm and Make Friends Fast: Share, Don’t Overshare.

 

Advice for Making New Friends: Share But Dont Overshare – WSJ.com.

Unstuck from Unstuck on Vimeo.

 

Unstuck_Videodownload_app

Ever had a moment where you just didn’t know what to do?  Bumfuzzled.  Beleaguered.  Lost.  This Unstuck application takes one through that hard moment, where you don’t know what to do.  The app draws out feelings and emotions and takes you to a simple lined out solution.

The application helped me to rally resources, gave me 12 tools for stuck moments.  Download it now and let me know your thoughts.  Check out this website and  free app, I absolutely loved it.

The design, layout, purpose and direction are all outstanding.  Well done guys, well done.

Sincerely,
Brandon

“What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.” —C.S. Lewis

unstuck tools, unstuck rally your resources

unstuck tools, unstuck rally your resources

toolsunstuck

  • Run a Half Marathon by March

Here’s a quick rundown on how I’m planning to run a half Marathon by March, with some resources and a training programs below:

1. Go sign up for a half on March 24- Rock’n'Roll Dallas is a good one.

2. Go to Map My Run and setup a 1mi, 2mi and 3mi course around your neighborhood.  Then find some friends to do your long runs with on the weekends.

3. Follow this training program, or find one similar.  Hal Higdon Training Programs.

Half Marathon Training Schedule: Novice 2
WEEK MON TUE WED THU FRI SAT SUN
1 Rest 3 m run 3 m run 3 m run Rest 4 m run cross
2 Rest 3 m run 3 m pace 3 m run Rest 5 m run cross
3 Rest 3 m run 4 m run 3 m run Rest 6 m run cross
4 Rest 3 m run 4 m pace 3 m run Rest 7 m run cross
5 Rest 3 m run 4 m run 3 m run Rest 8 m run cross
6 Rest 3 m run 4 m pace 3 m run Rest 5-K Race cross
7 Rest 3 m run 5 m run 3 m run Rest 9 m run cross
8 Rest 3 m run 5 m pace 3 m run Rest 10 m run cross
9 Rest 3 m run 5 m run 3 m run Rest 10-K Race cross
10 Rest 3 m run 5 m pace 3 m run Rest 11 m run cross
11 Rest 3 m run 5 m run 3 m run Rest 12 m run cross
12 Rest 3 m run 2 m pace 2 m run Rest Rest Half Marathon 

Get running and get ready for a great race!!!

Any questions, feel free to contact us.

See also:

http://www.chirunning.com/

http://zenhabits.net/barefoot-running/